I’m Dr. Carmen Morrison, and I’m a psychologist with over 25 years of experience working with children and families. But I have to say, the place I most learned about how hard it is and all of the reality of what we feel as a parent was parenting my own child. If you’re a working mom or dad constantly locked in a power struggle with your child, and every simple request turns into a battle of wills, leaving you drained and questioning your abilities as a parent, take a deep breath. You are not alone. At Lifegrowth Psychological Services, we understand the unique struggles you face, and I’m here to offer not just hope, but a pathway to lasting change.

A Personal Story: When Professional Expertise Isn’t Enough

Despite my extensive training, parenting my own daughter felt like a constant uphill battle. She was my firstborn, born already fighting the world. Lights bothered her, sounds bothered her, and she couldn’t nurse. It took us months before we could even just settle into a routine. By the time she was a toddler, we were already doing behavioral reinforcement charts. We managed okay until she went to school, but school just added a level of pressure. We were getting calls from the teachers, and she would come home just wired and running around. I was at my wit’s end.

Like many parents in this situation, I sought advice from books and specialists, but solutions felt inconsistent and short-lived. The breaking point came when my nine-year-old daughter left a note expressing a deep sense of hopelessness, saying, “Mom, what is there worth living for in this miserable life?” Of course, that just brought me to tears. I stayed up all night crying and trying to figure out what I could possibly do differently. What more could I do? There was the day when she got angry because I told her she couldn’t do something, and she threw every piece of furniture, lamps, blankets, and toys down our stairs. I just shut the door at the bottom of the stairwell and sat in the living room kind of rocking myself as these thuds happened with everything falling down from upstairs. When I opened the door, there was just this avalanche of stuff falling down on top of me, and it was all I could do not to react. There were many times when I just locked myself in the bathroom because I knew I was not going to be safe enough for my children in that moment. Then there was the day when she got angry and put her fist through the window on our door and broke it.

These are the moments that inevitably leave us feeling like a failure, struggling to hold onto hope, and overwhelmed by shame, self-hatred, and guilt. The moments when we just look at our kid and we go, “I’m not even sure I like this child that I love,” and then we feel guilty about that. The judgment that we get from others, particularly family members, who look at us and tell us all the things that we should be doing, that we’re not doing. We know that those aren’t going to work for our kid. Those are tough moments as a parent.

Parenting a Strong-Willed Child: It’s the Long Game

If you’re relating to my story, know that there is a way through. My daughter is now an amazing woman, an incredible mother, and successful. One of the most important lessons I learned was the importance of playing the “long game.” When working with children who struggle with self-regulation, it’s crucial to remember that lasting change doesn’t happen overnight. There’s no magic bullet, and you’ve likely already tried countless strategies.

The brain takes approximately 25 years to fully mature in women (28 for men). This means you’re working with a developing brain for a significant period. While this can feel daunting, it also offers hope. Those moments where you lose control or things go wrong are not the end of the story. What matters most is what you consistently come back to and reinforce over time.

The Power of Brain-Based Strategies

Today, we have a much deeper understanding of the brain than we did in the past. This knowledge offers incredible hope, but it’s often inaccessible or difficult to implement. Most therapists aren’t trained in rewiring brain circuitry, leaving parents feeling lost. That’s why Lifegrowth Psychological Services focuses on comprehensive, brain-based strategies to support both you and your child.

Four Pillars of Support for Parents of Strong-Willed Children

My experience and expertise have led to the development of a comprehensive approach that addresses the core challenges faced by families with strong-willed children. This approach rests on four key pillars:

Prioritize Self-Care

Just like the oxygen mask on an airplane, you need to take care of yourself first. You cannot effectively support your child if you are running on empty. This means finding ways to manage your triggers, rewire your own reactivity, and build a strong support network. As I recall, “I oftentimes remember just crying out to God and saying, ‘You gave her the wrong mother.’ I’m too reactive.” Learning to work with your own wiring is essential.

Actionable Tip: Schedule 15-30 minutes each day for an activity that helps you relax and recharge. This could be reading, taking a walk, practicing mindfulness, or connecting with a friend.

Attend to Relationships

The challenges of raising a strong-willed child can strain relationships within the family. Siblings can be impacted by the fallout, and disagreements with your parenting partner can create further tension. It’s crucial to address these relationship dynamics to create a more supportive and harmonious home environment.

Actionable Tip: Schedule regular family meetings to discuss concerns, celebrate successes, and foster open communication. Consider couples counseling to address parenting disagreements and strengthen your partnership.

Support Brain Development and Health

A significant part of reactivity and regulation is tied to brain function, which is influenced by nutrition and gut health. Optimizing brain health can have a profound impact on your child’s ability to regulate their emotions and behaviors.

Actionable Tip: Ask your Lifegrowth Therapist to connect you with an expert nutritionist or consult with your healthcare professional to assess your child’s dietary needs and identify any potential deficiencies. Focus on a whole-foods diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and healthy fats.

Comprehensive and Honest Approach

Move beyond simply managing the behavior and address the core issues that are wiring the brain. No two children are the same. My daughter had a unique combination of giftedness, learning disabilities, ADHD, and ODD. Understanding your child’s specific needs and challenges is essential for developing an effective plan.

Actionable Tip: Work with a qualified professional to conduct a thorough assessment of your child’s strengths and weaknesses. This assessment should consider learning styles, emotional regulation skills, and any underlying conditions. Learn how Lifegrowth’s unique assessment process will give you a comprehensive evaluation, so you know the best steps forward for your child.

Beyond Behavior Management: Understanding Your Child’s Unique Universe

Too often, parents are given generic advice about behavior management, rewards, and consequences. While these strategies can be helpful, they don’t address the underlying brain-based issues that contribute to strong-willed behavior. Each child is a unique universe, and it’s your job as a parent to be the explorer of that universe. This requires a comprehensive and honest approach, which can be difficult to navigate on your own. Factors such as single parenting, divorce, and other life stresses also add layers of complexity. I oftentimes think that our child is a unique little universe that nobody has ever explored and it becomes our job as a parent to be the explorer of that universe and to sort of figure out that puzzle. But that can be really difficult when we don’t know what else to do and we’ve just tried everything.

Taking the Next Step: Personalized Support for Lasting Change

At Lifegrowth Psychological Services, we’re passionate about helping parents like you move beyond survival mode and create a thriving family environment. We offer personalized coaching and support to help you:

• Uncover hidden challenges: Identify overlooked factors that may be sabotaging your efforts.
• Develop a step-by-step plan: Break down overwhelming challenges into manageable, doable steps.
• Rewire your own brain: Learn to manage your triggers and reactivity.
• Support your child’s brain development: Optimize nutrition and address underlying health concerns.
• Strengthen family relationships: Improve communication and create a more supportive home environment.

I am confident that, with the right support, you can not just survive your strong-willed child, but help them thrive.

Contact us by email or phone to set up a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your specific challenges and explore how we can help.