Drew Morrison and Dr. Carmen Morrison are mother and son and therapists at Lifegrowth Psychological Services. Together, they speak on topics combining wisdom from their professional practices and real-life. Today’s discussion is a must-read for working moms and dads navigating the often-turbulent teen years. Whether you feel at loggerheads with your teen or simply wish to build a more secure and nurturing relationship, this dialogue delivers actionable insights on how to help your teen feel understood, secure, and be resilient.

The Power of Security and Predictability

Carmen began by recalling moments when her then teenage son, Drew, was seeking connection. “I still remember those nights when, even at 11 o’clock, you’d come bursting into my room insisting, ‘Mom, you’ve got to see this YouTube video!’ Even though I wasn’t a night owl, those moments of passion and spontaneity laid the groundwork for connection.”

From her perspective as both a parent and a professional, Carmen explained that an adolescent’s most fundamental need is security. This isn’t about enforcing strict rules for the sake of control—it’s about fostering trust. Drew added that security in the parent–teen relationship is built on predictability: “Security starts with trust. Teens need to know what to expect from us, and that means having clear, consistent boundaries—like a protective fence marking what is off-limits.”

When Fear Triggers a Reactive Response

Drew recalled a memorable incident from his youth—one that has since become a teaching moment: “I remember driving the family car on a quiet back road. While reaching for a dropped french fry, I hit a low sign that scraped the entire side of the car. I felt horrible about it and dreaded telling you and Dad, but what stayed with me was how you both handled it.”

In that moment, as Drew described it, his brain was in “alarm mode”—a state where emotions like fear, shame, anger, and defensiveness override rational thought. Carmen explained: “When a teen is in alarm mode, their reasoning and emotions become disconnected. They might react with anger or defensiveness, even though deep down, they’re overwhelmed.”

As parents, what is often beneath our reaction in the moment is fear. When fear is “on” in the brain, our ability to respond with empathy is compromised. Recognizing this can help you take a moment before responding, ensuring you create space for understanding rather than conflict.

Understanding the Adolescent Brain

Carmen illuminated a key point with neuroscience: “Many believe that at puberty a teen’s brain is fully formed, but in reality, the prefrontal cortex—the center for thinking, reasoning, judgment, and self-control—is still developing. In contrast, the emotional center is fully online. No wonder one day your teen might make a brilliant decision and the next, act impulsively.”

Drew added with his current dual perspective as someone who experienced these highs and lows as a teenager—and now works as a licensed therapist: “I used to believe in the moment that I had the best idea ever, only to later question my judgment. That flip between rational and irrational is just the way our brains are wired during adolescence.”

Understanding that this variability in behavior isn’t a personal failing, but a normal developmental phenomenon can help you adjust your own expectations and responses.

Attunement: The Art of ‘Feeling Felt’

Attunement is a cornerstone of being able to connect. Drew referenced Dr. Dan Siegel’s concept of “feeling felt”—the profound experience of being truly seen and understood. He explained: “When I made that mistake with the car, what mattered most wasn’t the error itself but that my feelings were acknowledged. You and Dad tuned into what was going on for me, which made all the difference.”

Carmen stressed that, too often, parents react immediately to misbehavior by focusing on the action rather than the emotion behind it. Instead of asking, “What did you do?” try asking: “What are you feeling right now?”

By doing so, you invite a meaningful dialogue that reinforces the notion that your love and support remain unconditional—even in the midst of mistakes.

Consistency, Empathy, and Unconditional Support

Both Carmen and Drew underscored that the secret to a resilient relationship is consistency in loving responses. They advised: “Every time your teen makes a mistake—whether it’s a scraped car or a broken curfew—affirm that ‘I see you, I still believe in you, and nothing changes my love for you.’ Repeating these messages builds enduring neural pathways that inform all future relationships.”

This consistent approach not only diffuses the immediate tension but also helps your teen develop a lifelong sense of security and trust. It’s about turning every crisis into a building block for deeper connection.

Turning Conflict into Connection

In wrapping up their conversation, Carmen and Drew remind us that parenting a teenager isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. By understanding the adolescent brain, managing our own fear responses, and prioritizing attunement, you can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth. Whether your teen is demonstrating brilliant insight one day and reckless behavior the next, the key lies in consistent, supportive engagement.

Drawing on the professional expertise and genuine parental experiences of Carmen and Drew Morrison, this discussion offers you actionable strategies to build a more secure, connected, and resilient relationship with your teen. As you embark on this journey, remember that every small step—from a calm conversation to a loving affirmation—lays the foundation for a stronger bond that will support your teen well into adulthood.

Watch this discussion and other helpful parenting and life skill-building videos on YouTube via Lifegrowth’s coaching practice, Alli. Sign up for our Parent-Teen workshop, Hold Me Tight Let Me Go, to learn more practical techniques to build a healthy, lasting connection with your teen. Learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy , the science-based approach to building lasting connections in every relationship.